Self-confidence

To a greater or lesser extent, all of us lack self-confidence. We think that other people are better looking, lead more interesting lives, get higher marks, score more goals, earn more, get to travel more, have a wider circle of friends. These are our thoughts about other people, but they also their thoughts about us! However assured they may seem, they, too, are full of concealed anxieties and are constantlty comparing themselves unfavourably with us. When we understand that lack of self-confidence is so widespread, it will cease to worry us so much and we can begin to deal with it.


Another term for self-confidence is self-esteem. To "esteem" someone is to respect and look up to them, so self-esteem requires us to respect ourselves. To do this, we must recognise clearly and honestly what we are capable of achieving and how we should behave towards others, and then take a proper pride in living up to the higher standards we set ourselves. Of course, this doesn't mean we should be conceited, or show off to our friends how clever we are or how successful we have been. Conceit happens when we over-estimate what we can do, and boasting is a way of asking for praise to increase our self-esteem.


"Please don't pick me...I wish I could do that...I can't ask questions in class...I should have worn that other outfit...Sorry! I wash my hair on Fridays...I'll leave before it's my turn..." These are the sorts of thoughts that constantly trouble those who are seriously lacking in self-confidence. They never initiate conversations of their own, reply to questions with one-word answers - negative or positive - and never volunteer for anything in case they can't do it. At the opposite extreme are those whose loud talk and dominant behaviour disguises from others and even from themselves their deep-seated fear that they are not really the person they would like to present to the world.


The reasons for lack of self-confidence often go back to our earliest experience. Children gain confidence by learning how to do things for themselves and how to make choices, but too often parents are so anxious to protect them from possible harm that they make all their decisions and do everything for them. Yes, children will sometimes make the wrong choices, for mistakes and failures are an inevitable part of growing up, but if they are punished for these they will play safe by avoiding situations where failure might occur. Wise parents will boost their children's confidence by giving them freedom to experiment.


As their world widens to include school, friendships and later, the world of work, children will experience a mixture of success and failure. They may perform poorly in some of their school subjects, or be left out of teams or friendship groups. They may fail to meet a sales target or to complete a task to their boss's satisfaction. But they should place these mishaps alongside the numerous success they have had - the subjects in which they do well, the friendships enjoyed, the targets frequently met.


We all need to adopt this positive approach - to ourselves and to others. Everyone needs praise for their achievements. When things go wrong (for yourself or for someone else), play down the importance of the mistake and look for explanations for which you or they are not responsible. Above all, know yourself - what you can do well and what is beyond you - so that you set yourself realistic goals. And don't expect too much of yourself (but not too little either) so that you can say to yourself: "This is who I am. This is what I can do. I have made the best of gifts that I have, and can do no more." That is how self-esteem is to be found.


Today got the last paper of N Level for this week.
English Paper.
The above passage is from my paper 2nd passage.
I find this passage meaningful so I typed it down loh.
After papers, when to Eunos find Li Lian to return her her wallet.
I got lost then called and told her meet at MRT Station better ba.
Then met le, walked to Block 17 de bus stop to take bus 60 to Christopher's house.
Thought going to meet Fahmi after that de, but Christopher told me never le. -.-
And Darren coming, then when he reach, we have to accompany him to Kovan all the way for his guitar lesson.
But I told Christopher I'm not going anywhere but home coz I still have not prepared to face Darren.
So I bus-ed home loh.
Sian..


Haiz..
I got lots of thing to talk to you de, but what I'm lacking is confidence and courage.